Disappearing Act 5 million and...aww hell I lost count.

In 1899 Harry Houdini focused his acts on the art of escape. He later became known as "the handcuff king," for his ability to magically break free from metal shackles. In the 1900's he progressed from handcuffs to jails, chains, ropes, and straitjackets. OK, so that's enough of the history lesson, but the point is that I have come across too many "Houdini's" incarnate. I doubt any of them could literally free themselves from actual handcuffs (not that talented), but when it comes to escape and disappearing...they do it so well, especially emotionally. That's saying that they see some women, some situations, some relationships as handcuffs to break free from. Yet, these are situations, women, relationships, that, for the most part, they have pursued themselves. They were excited to put on the "handcuffs" per se (everyone likes to be bounded ever so often wink, wink), only because they loved performing, like the great Houdini, great escape tricks...? However, it's one thing if you do it once, but to do it over and over and over and over again with the same person is a little excessive...borderline cruel. It's in completely bad taste to consistently appear, disappear, then reappear with such dedication as if it's a job you get paid to do. I know most men aren't introspectively emotional thinkers, but you gotta bite the bullet and ask yourself where you really wanna be. Going back and forth, in and out, here and there, not because you want to sharpen your magician skills...but because you're not sure if you want something at the time but you know you don't want to lose it either, is not OK. Just because life isn't fair, doesn't mean you don't have to be. Nevertheless, after YEARS of the same disappearing acts somethings gotta give....cause at this point your "Houdini" tricks are no longer mysteriously intriguing, but simply the actions of an ass hole. Bottom line: You love me, you love me not....fellas your uncertainty and confusion is not a viable justification for your disappearing AND re-appearing acts. You're not a practicing magician, you're a grown ass man...make a decision and stick to it.

To Snoop or NOT to Snoop...

Question of the day: Is it ever OK to play detective with the person your with/dating? I was reading my Cosmo mag today, as usual, and they devoted a whole four or so pages to, "How to Snoop on your man." It went into great detail about what his car says about him, what his place of residence shows, and so on and so on. I couldn't believe the in depth steps and explanations the article had gone through great lengths to reveal. I got to thinking about what snooping is and what it isn't. I remember, back in the day, I had a boyfriend who left me alone with his phone for a good 30 minutes. As I sat there, the temptation had taken over me, and it was just too much. It's like when your parents tell you not to touch that big red button, and then walk away...expecting you to obey, come on! I wasn't looking for anything particular, I was just, well curious...oh, but we all must remember how curiosity killed the cat. I ended up finding pics of another girl smiling, frolicking and carrying on. At that point I definitely had a dilemma. I couldn't go off, yell, and rant like I wanted to when I intentionally invaded his privacy...although it seemed he was in the wrong, I was technically in the wrong too. So, I bit the bullet, and of course looked for another way to bring it up. Still, ever since then I have vowed to never snoop again...unless I had probable cause (another issue for another blog). The lines of snooping and just looking around seem to be a little blurred to me. When it comes to facebook or myspace, is checking your guys' page almost everyday considered snooping? I figure if they allow it to be out there for the entire Internet community, it's public property. However hacking into his account and reading all of his messages is considered snooping...or just going to damn far. I know girls, and guys, (y'all do it too) who have done just that...hacked into all kinds of stuff....phone records, credit card bills, etc...I was even a victim of it. I once talked to a guy who had dated a psycho woman before me, and she got my number from his records and started harassing me. I thought she had taken notes from Fatal Attraction or something. I digress, but when it comes to dating I do feel like it's always good to have a strong and observant eye, but taking it to the extremes, like analyzing the contents in his trash...is definitely doing the very most. I love Cosmo, but it's articles like these that help give ammo to those crazy stalker women coalitions.
Bottom line: If you're going to play Sherlock Holmes and go a snooping, you are bound to find SOMETHING you don't like. If you have to go to the extremes and are plagued with suspicions, maybe there is a much bigger problem in a much bigger picture.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/30/nyregion/30cheat.html?_r=1&oref=slogin (an article the NY Times did a little while ago that I thought was interesting...)

I want it ALL!

Question: Why CAN'T I have my cake and eat it too? I mean really. I was successful in college, and I'm on the highway speeding when it comes to my career...now why can't the romantic side of my life fall in to place like everything else? When I am "dating" someone, everyone and they mama, cousin, and second cousin, want to suddenly appear...calling me cause now they want to know how I am. Or, I'll be "dating" someone, and then meet someone who is just as great or even better. HOWEVER, when there are no dates, no prospects, and no future prospects in the starting line-up everyone else seems to disappear from the team. It's like when I'm attached a scent is sent out across the male radar, but when I'm not, I fall of the radar completely. It's always pouring cats and dogs when it rains, and when there's a drought there's no water in sight for miles on end...just illusions, delusions, confusions, and any other "ions" you can think of. It just isn't fair, but I suppose a couple blogs ago there was a clear consensus that life wasn't fair. Still, It seems as though it's always one or the other. Career, or Love...PC or Mac...Caesar or Garden....Mint or Bubbleliscous....Grilled or Crispy...There's a lot of "either or's" in life, although many of us do find our ways around it...like having your paper bags inside your plastic bags. I digress, so when it comes to matters of the heart, is there just not enough room for both an outstanding career and an outstanding relationship? I know for some of my friends who are athletes, trying to be the best you can at what you do takes all your energy, and there's just not anything left to give to a significant other....or entertainers for instance, many of them don't stay together because of the strain of hectic schedules and such. I am no athlete or famous person (yet), but I do know that a great career can be very rewarding, but at the end of the day...if there is no one at home for you to share your success with...how much is that reward worth in the end?
Bottom line: Money depletes...medals, awards, and accolades gather dust, but it's sharing all that you have won, all that you've been rewarded, and all the great things you have experienced with someone else that is the cherry on top of the icing of your chocolate cake...that you CAN eat!

~Work for it all...Have it all!

The non-relationship relationship...

Question of the day: Can you ever end a non-relationship relationship? Today, my very good friend pointed out to me that I have been in an off and on NR relationship for close to four years now, and began to play the highlight reel of all the most significant events. It made sense that she would know since she's had the pleasure of being around since the very beginning. From the time I first told her about him and the butterflies he gave me, to the time she saw me have a full body meltdown because of him, and one can't forget the time she latched on to my leg one night in an attempt to keep me from leaving to see him. She's seen the worst, and the best...she's been there through all the "cut off" plans I tried to implement, and all the "cut him" plans I drafted and thankfully never carried out. And now, she was listening to me say, for the millionth time, "ok, so he's back." This time however, my feet are firmly planted on the ground and there will be no drifting off to la la land. As for my NR relationship counterpart, I have spoke of him before so affectionately as "that guy," his status in my life has not changed while the actual relationships i've had in the meantime have come and gone. He's someone I deeply care for, and still love to be around. I think about the good times and bad times, and his recent return to the forefront of my brain after an eight month...let's just say hiatus. After everything that has happened, he has remained a powerful force in my life...reaping the majority of the benefits of being a boyfriend, and the luxury of accepting none of the responsibility. There are obviously feelings and emotions floating around in the clouds of our NR relationship, but that's all they do...float. At times he's been the chocolate chip to my cookie doe, but then the ice berg to my Titanic...he's taken me to the highest point of happiness mountain, and dragged me down to the dark and severely depressing valley, and I wonder, will this NR relationship ever end...will it ever be a real functioning relationship...can it ever work as anything more than what it's been? I am no fool (or am I). After four years of his building up and tearing down, I have gotten to a point where I expect nothing from him. In fact, I expect to be disappointed by him. So, why do I keep participating in this foolery, and can't completely walk away, and stay away? Perhaps love is the elusive culprit...maybe it's been so long that i'm stuck in the realm of the familiarity revolving door. Hmm, your guess is as good as mine.
Bottom line: if you see an apple, all nice and red, fresh and delicious, just because you don't call it an apple doesn't mean it isn't one. When it comes down to it, every good woman needs and deserves a good man who is willing to call the apple, well, an apple. Ladies, don't settle for the NR relationship...it's the real thing or nothing!

~I'm not bitter...just a little damaged.

It ain't Rocket Science.

Question of the day: how hard is it to return a message? Whether it's a text message or a voice mail message, the ignoring of either is just plain rude and inconsiderate. It's easy, even when you don't like the person that much...just say SOMETHING. Now, it's understandable if you don't return a message from the crazy person who stalks your every move, or the ex who is on the verge of becoming the crazy person who stalks your every move, but if a person is neither, why can't they receive at least a courtesy response? The guy of yesterday....let's just call him "Mr. Athlete." That title alone should say enough about him right there, but I always try to give someone the benefit of the doubt regardless of their occupation...unless they turn tricks for a living; there's no negotiating there. Anyway, Mr. Athlete was someone I had really started to like. In the beginning, he treated me nice, he was very handsome, and I enjoyed his company. However, it was a long distance thing, and after my last long distance attempt I swore I would never do it again, but I took a chance because I was really interested. Things were pretty good for a month or so, and then he had flown me down to see him, and that went even better. Then the flip came, the super deluxe 180. All of the sudden I started to hear from him less, as opposed to at least once a day. It seemed like things weren't as they were before. I just chalked it up, and attributed it to his athletic schedule becoming more demanding. I figured he wouldn't fly me down there for just...well you know. That's a pretty expensive booty call. Ha, maybe not for a successful athlete you might say. To make the long story short, he went out of the country, and that was the last I heard from him. He gave a minimally adequate explanation for the reason why he was staying mum when it came to my messages and phone calls, via facebook message. However, I completely understood his situation. In fact, you could call me Ms. Understanding! Still, the silence continued, and I began to wonder was his explanation the real reason why I hadn't heard from him. He did eventually asked me how I was via blackberry message (no voice on voice contact has occurred since his trip out of the country at this point), I replied, and asked him how he was, and I am still waiting for his response. It's been at least a month and a half. Oh the irritation! I am a straight forward kind of gal. You can tell me if there's someone else, or you just don't want to talk to me, or whatever, but at least have the common courtesy to tell me SOMETHING! I'm not one to hold a grudge against someone, especially if they're just being honest with me. But it does take courage to be honest with someone, especially if you don't want to feel like the bad guy. Most people don't have the gumption for it. Still, it really grinds my gears that a simple "how are you message," can't even get a simple "I'm doing fine," response. I am still even a big enough person to inquire about his well being because unlike him, I apparently was the only one who cared in the situation. Unfortunately, I still gets nothing! It's obvious he can't seem to think outside his own atmosphere. It sucks cause I really didn't peg him for the fake and bake, fund your jet setting, sleep with you, ignore you and keep it moving kind of guy. I really thought he was better than that...had more respect. Guess I was wrong. Bottom line: Nobody's perfect, but always remember the golden rule: treat others how you would like to be treated...cause Karma is a bitch, and it'll get ya no matter how wonderful of an athlete you are! Just stop and ask yourself, "How would this make me feel," and you'll be a better person in the end.

~I'm not bitter...just a little damaged.

Easy button please...no, for real though!

Question: Why can't an easy button, like the one in those staples commercials, really exist?! Not the kind that when you press it legal pads, pencils, and staplers come falling down out of the sky, but an easy button for life. When that guy of the hour says or does something utterly ridiculous and beyond stupid, pull out that handy dandy easy button, press it, and he'll rewind and say or do the smart and more logical thing. How about when there's work and personal issues pouring heavily out of your ass, and not enough time in the day for you to handle it all, press that handy dandy easy button and there are now days 30 hours long as opposed to 24. Or even when your cars been towed, and you have to pay over $1975 to get it back in your custody (yes this happened to me last week), oh, but you've got your easy button, press it and thousands of dollars suddenly appear in your hands just in time. When your boss pulls you aside for the cabillionth time to remind you that casual Friday's doesn't really mean casual, just press that easy button to put his ass on mute. Oh, it would be so lovely....so relaxing...so...easy. Today, I sat in my car, as the rain poured down over my dashboard, and a slow jam by Mariah was coming through my speakers (dramatic, I know) thinking about all the things I had to do and not enough time to do them in, thinking about that guy who disappeared so abruptly with no warning and it still hurts my feelings to this day, thinking about my future and how everything is so uncertain, nothing is even close to being final, and then I just let the tears come streaming down. These last couple weeks have been rough ones for me in all facets of my life, and everyday I wonder why everything has been so hard lately. From work, to school, to love...it's all been a roller coaster ride. Not the kind of roller coaster ride, that when you get off you want to go back on again and again, but the kind you throw up on, turn pale, and pass out afterwards. Yeah, I've been on that one for about three months now. Searching for answers to why it's been like this, and trying to figure out if perhaps I had some bad karma stored up somewhere that was now being put to use. Nevertheless, after my dramatic tearful moment, I got to thinking less pessimistically...crying in my car, in the rain, in the dark, is only going to make things seem even more depressing. I just gotta keep pushing...through the heartaches, through the headaches, and through the mistakes. I'm nearing the end of one journey, and getting ready to start a new one.
Bottom line: If things were easy gas wouldn't be a million dollars a gallon, and Bush wouldn't exist. If love was easy we'd all be in it. If life was easy than there would be nothing to look forward to. With that said, grab your barf bag, take some Advil, put your hands up and enjoy the roller coaster because you only get to ride it once.

~I'm not bitter...just a little damaged.

I like the movies, but this is reality sir

Question of the day... what is the point of playing make believe? I had planned to be the belle of the ball this weekend when attending my colleges' version of the prom. I was ready to put on my freakum dress, three and a half inch heels, grab my satin clutch bag and go...that is until my date, let's call him "Mr. Africa," decided we weren't going, but forgot to send me the memo. Last night I attempted to confirm this disappointing news, but my message seemed to get lost in the dark abyss of nothingness. However, today, in the middle of my fried chicken and french fries lunch with my good friend, "Mr. Africa" trotted along to say hello. As he commented on my friends hair, I sat there thinking, "hmm, is he going to acknowledge the issue at hand?" I guess that idea would be too much like RIGHT. Instead he took a man approach, and decided to ignore and stay mum. He proceeded to rest his African hand on my shoulder, smile, and ask how I was. I wondered if this was the part where I was supposed to be friendly, and reveal the splendor that is my life. Ha! I was never a fan of playing make believe. I could have given him frost bite with the cold shoulder I graced him with. Up until then he had catapulted himself into the role of a wannabe prince charming, whom I should feel grateful to have the opportunity to date. But he can't even keep a date, and there's nothing charming about that. Here's the thing, "Mr. Africa" took it upon himself to ask me to the grown up prom, knew that it was something I really wanted to attend, and that this year was my last chance. Now, we're obviously not going, and the tickets are sold out. No explanation, no apology, no anything. Rude and inconsiderate don't even begin to describe it all. To top it off, he still expects me to smile and speak to him as if everything is just peaches and cream. I don't think so. Not only did he waste my time, but he got my hopes up for something only to knowingly let me down. Bottom line: This is no Disney movie, and don't pretend to be something you're not. Just be a man, and honor your commitments. 

~I'm not bitter...just a little damaged