"Our ideas, like orange-plants, spread out in proportion to the size of the box which imprisons the roots." ~ Edward Bulwer Lytton
Bottom Line: Put on that Cone of Positivity, and dive into life, head first! Have a blessed day!
Follow me on Twitter...just cause... @desipoo26 :-)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Facebook...an escape or a necessity?
Question: What do YOU use Facebook for, nowadays?
I remember when Facebook first started getting big. I was in my dorm room, 2004, at Howard University...talking to my girlfriend, shooting the breeze...and I would tease my roommate, because frankly, I thought she had a problem. Always talking about this Facebook thing. Always talking about being friends with this person, and that person. Always talking about how she asked him to "Facebook" her, and he hadn't. There's even a video out there somewhere, where you can hear me saying that she was purely "obsessed." But.....then I broke down, and joined -- like many of us...
At first, I loved it. It was a way for me to get up with all my other college friends, and every time they added a new college, I was geeked. I was able to connect with those who went to other schools. Those who I left behind in high school. I remember the first "Facebook" party...I remember when we could start adding pictures.I remember the first time I could start tracking who my crush was talking to; other than me, that is. I remember when Facebook took on an obsessive role.
It was close to the end of my second year at college, when Facebook became something other than a way to connect with friends. It was in that late year, I started to track the actions of my crush. Facebook helped me to put two and two together. I was told one thing, but I saw pictures that told a different story. Of course I convinced myself it was all ridiculous, and it wasn't what I thought. I also started to see relationships of friends of mine, start to deteriorate. A fight because of this tagged picture...a fight because someone didn't log out, and their significant other was able to see their bad behavior. I saw it all...and that's the first time, I started to really question Facebook.
In the years to follow...Facebook would give me great joy, because I was able to connect with family members, old high school teachers, and folks I haven't seen since elementary school. However, I also found myself becoming a slave to information.Whether it was a crush, the one I thought I loved, or the friend I refused to admit was more than that...it all became so attainable. Information.
Now, that I'm getting older, and wiser, I look at Facebook and cringe and shrug, at the same time. It's evolved into something I could've never imagined. However, when I log on now, it's not the same feeling I got back in 2004. It's not the same exhilaration. It's more of a hassle...an informational necessity -- just to see what you've been tagged in. To see some pictures you might have taken...or whatever event someone is promoting...and then you forget about the chat feature, and next thing you know, someone you barely know, is asking about your day.
I'm no idiot. I know that with the wonderful, and organic idea Facebook was and is, it HAD to evolve, but I had no idea it would turn into this global phenomenon that it is. A part of me is proud, and happy for it. However, with the emergence of Twitter and all other kinds of social networking...is it worth it for ME to continue to log into Facebook? Am I a Facebook geriatric, that needs to just retire and move on?
Bottom line: Is Facebook now a necessity as opposed to an escape? ................The jury's still out *shrug*
Follow me on twitter @desipoo26
I remember when Facebook first started getting big. I was in my dorm room, 2004, at Howard University...talking to my girlfriend, shooting the breeze...and I would tease my roommate, because frankly, I thought she had a problem. Always talking about this Facebook thing. Always talking about being friends with this person, and that person. Always talking about how she asked him to "Facebook" her, and he hadn't. There's even a video out there somewhere, where you can hear me saying that she was purely "obsessed." But.....then I broke down, and joined -- like many of us...
At first, I loved it. It was a way for me to get up with all my other college friends, and every time they added a new college, I was geeked. I was able to connect with those who went to other schools. Those who I left behind in high school. I remember the first "Facebook" party...I remember when we could start adding pictures.I remember the first time I could start tracking who my crush was talking to; other than me, that is. I remember when Facebook took on an obsessive role.
It was close to the end of my second year at college, when Facebook became something other than a way to connect with friends. It was in that late year, I started to track the actions of my crush. Facebook helped me to put two and two together. I was told one thing, but I saw pictures that told a different story. Of course I convinced myself it was all ridiculous, and it wasn't what I thought. I also started to see relationships of friends of mine, start to deteriorate. A fight because of this tagged picture...a fight because someone didn't log out, and their significant other was able to see their bad behavior. I saw it all...and that's the first time, I started to really question Facebook.
In the years to follow...Facebook would give me great joy, because I was able to connect with family members, old high school teachers, and folks I haven't seen since elementary school. However, I also found myself becoming a slave to information.Whether it was a crush, the one I thought I loved, or the friend I refused to admit was more than that...it all became so attainable. Information.
Now, that I'm getting older, and wiser, I look at Facebook and cringe and shrug, at the same time. It's evolved into something I could've never imagined. However, when I log on now, it's not the same feeling I got back in 2004. It's not the same exhilaration. It's more of a hassle...an informational necessity -- just to see what you've been tagged in. To see some pictures you might have taken...or whatever event someone is promoting...and then you forget about the chat feature, and next thing you know, someone you barely know, is asking about your day.
I'm no idiot. I know that with the wonderful, and organic idea Facebook was and is, it HAD to evolve, but I had no idea it would turn into this global phenomenon that it is. A part of me is proud, and happy for it. However, with the emergence of Twitter and all other kinds of social networking...is it worth it for ME to continue to log into Facebook? Am I a Facebook geriatric, that needs to just retire and move on?
Bottom line: Is Facebook now a necessity as opposed to an escape? ................The jury's still out *shrug*
Follow me on twitter @desipoo26
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
In His Feelings: Episode 2
Sooo, I received a Facebook message from a guy I didn't know:
"I saw you at Park (a local DC nightclub) one Thursday. I wanted to talk to you, but you were preoccupied, but I think you're beautiful."
Now, I would normally respond to a message like this quickly, and with a "thank you," but when the message was sent, I was traveling, getting over a bad cold, and blah blah blah. Basically, I wasn't really focused on my Facebook messages. Fast forward to today, and I get another message from the same guy, entitled "messed up:"
"Dag, that's messed up, I sent you a message, and you didn't even respond,:
Ummmm, ok. When did I become indebted to men I didn't knkow? This message made me frown, but it also made me chuckle with perplexity. It amazes me that there are folks out there, who can send a Facebook message to someone they've never met, and expect priority. Expect urgency. When did Facebook stop becoming a tool to help you stay connected with people you already know? When did Facebook become malicious, and so entitled?
Bottom line: Facebook...friend or foe?
Follow me on Twitter...i'm protected, but still open! :-) @desipoo26
"I saw you at Park (a local DC nightclub) one Thursday. I wanted to talk to you, but you were preoccupied, but I think you're beautiful."
Now, I would normally respond to a message like this quickly, and with a "thank you," but when the message was sent, I was traveling, getting over a bad cold, and blah blah blah. Basically, I wasn't really focused on my Facebook messages. Fast forward to today, and I get another message from the same guy, entitled "messed up:"
"Dag, that's messed up, I sent you a message, and you didn't even respond,:
Ummmm, ok. When did I become indebted to men I didn't knkow? This message made me frown, but it also made me chuckle with perplexity. It amazes me that there are folks out there, who can send a Facebook message to someone they've never met, and expect priority. Expect urgency. When did Facebook stop becoming a tool to help you stay connected with people you already know? When did Facebook become malicious, and so entitled?
Bottom line: Facebook...friend or foe?
Follow me on Twitter...i'm protected, but still open! :-) @desipoo26
Monday, March 14, 2011
In His Feelings: Episode 1
The Guy: Identity protected.
Age: 30's.
Occupation: Successful Club Promoter.
Relationship Status: Longtime Girlfriend.
Episode: Man guilty of immature behavior due to a skewed emotional reaction to a relationship reality.
The Story: For a while, a friend of mine had made it clear to this guy that they couldn't be more than friends. He had a longtime girlfriend, but somehow thought it was OK for him to want more from my friend -- despite his previously mentioned attachment status. My friend definitely didn't need or want the drama. Yes, they would flirt occasionally, maybe have lunch or dinner. He would even express his love, usually through the goggles of some drunken haze, but she would nonchalantly laugh it off. It was fun, and for the most part, it was easy. But with ups, there must also be downs. There were some opportunities and reasons for my friend to end their friendship, i.e. the time he kissed one of her "friends" in a club. However, my friend took the high road, and all was forgiven. That brings us to one ill fated night where this guy found himself...in his feelings. The reason? He was confronted with the fact that my friend was actually seeing someone other than him. How dare she, right? Despite the multiple conversations they had about "just being friends," he allowed himself to feel the depth of some sort of rejection (I can only assume), and in his skewed perception, somehow forgot about his longtime girlfriend. He let his emotions take over, and allowed his brain to obsess. OK, I can't really confirm that, but it seems plausible considering his actions to come. My friend found herself deleted from his bbm. She called to talk about it, and found him unresponsive and short. Now he just gives a "head nod" when he sees her in public...as if they were only mere acquaintances. The whole situation prompted me to ask, where is the love homie? Did you really go stomping off grumbling, "it all makes sense now," and then proceed to go on a deletion spree? Are you a victim of misinterpretation of the idea of "just friends?" Whatever the surely irrational reasons may be, what IS clear, this guy has unfortunately become a casualty...of his feelings.
Bottom Line: Fellas, there is no justification in getting upset because a woman, other than your girlfriend, is actually living a normal single life and dating. True friendship has perspective. Find it, and stop acting like 8-year-olds. **pleasantries**
follow me on twitter...I'm cool, I promise! @desipoo26
Age: 30's.
Occupation: Successful Club Promoter.
Relationship Status: Longtime Girlfriend.
Episode: Man guilty of immature behavior due to a skewed emotional reaction to a relationship reality.
The Story: For a while, a friend of mine had made it clear to this guy that they couldn't be more than friends. He had a longtime girlfriend, but somehow thought it was OK for him to want more from my friend -- despite his previously mentioned attachment status. My friend definitely didn't need or want the drama. Yes, they would flirt occasionally, maybe have lunch or dinner. He would even express his love, usually through the goggles of some drunken haze, but she would nonchalantly laugh it off. It was fun, and for the most part, it was easy. But with ups, there must also be downs. There were some opportunities and reasons for my friend to end their friendship, i.e. the time he kissed one of her "friends" in a club. However, my friend took the high road, and all was forgiven. That brings us to one ill fated night where this guy found himself...in his feelings. The reason? He was confronted with the fact that my friend was actually seeing someone other than him. How dare she, right? Despite the multiple conversations they had about "just being friends," he allowed himself to feel the depth of some sort of rejection (I can only assume), and in his skewed perception, somehow forgot about his longtime girlfriend. He let his emotions take over, and allowed his brain to obsess. OK, I can't really confirm that, but it seems plausible considering his actions to come. My friend found herself deleted from his bbm. She called to talk about it, and found him unresponsive and short. Now he just gives a "head nod" when he sees her in public...as if they were only mere acquaintances. The whole situation prompted me to ask, where is the love homie? Did you really go stomping off grumbling, "it all makes sense now," and then proceed to go on a deletion spree? Are you a victim of misinterpretation of the idea of "just friends?" Whatever the surely irrational reasons may be, what IS clear, this guy has unfortunately become a casualty...of his feelings.
Bottom Line: Fellas, there is no justification in getting upset because a woman, other than your girlfriend, is actually living a normal single life and dating. True friendship has perspective. Find it, and stop acting like 8-year-olds. **pleasantries**
follow me on twitter...I'm cool, I promise! @desipoo26
Saturday, November 6, 2010
*GASP* ..."Relationship?"
The word "relationship" equivalent to a personal Apocalypse?
I've found, the moment you maybe, even slightly think about maybe, possibly mentioning, or even tentatively thinking about saying the word "relationship" to most men in their 20's...their "mars" radar is immediately alerted, they make ready to wear their most high-tech camouflage gear, pack a backpack filled with food to last a while, and go into covert hiding. It's as if you've said, "5, 0, 5, 0, is around the corner!" to a drug dealer sitting on a stoop who has three outstanding warrants! I mean really, it's pretty ridiculous how scary some men get when they hear this word.
Well, I want to bring something to you guys attention...
NEWSFLASH: most of our entire lives are made up of different kinds of RELATIONSHIPS! Whether it's a friendship, a marriage, a boyfriend/girlfriend committed type of interaction, a business association, or you guys are "just" sleeping together (another blog for another day)...THOSE ARE ALL EXAMPLES OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS. Let's also just take a quick look at the definition of "relationship"...
1. A connection, association, or involvement.
2. Connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. An emotional or other connection between people.
4. A sexual involvement; affair.*
Well, there you go. It's just that simple. Just because you make it a point to do your best Jedi impersonation, and never, at any time, or any moment say/mention the word "relationship" ...doesn't mean you've escaped the whole idea in general. Just because you pretend the word "relationship" is part of some foreign language out of some distant land not even on this planet...doesn't mean you're NOT in one. Chances are, you are. Even if you do the opposite and proclaim to the high heavens how much you don't want a "relationship," how relationships don't work for you, how they're too complicated, and blah blah blah. Well, let's just say, if after that proclamation, you're still engaging in any and/or all of the 1-4 previous definitions mentioned with someone....maybe you need to re-evaluate what it is you think...you want...
Bottom line: Don't be deceived by what you think is your own cleverness. No matter how you're handling a situation with the opposite sex, the little ways you avoid using the word "relationship" in an attempt to mask and coddle your own inability to commit...sorry, but it really doesn't matter. Because association, interaction, sexual involvement all make up the definition...gasp...of the word "relationship." So, why fear it? You're already performing the action of the word in almost every aspect of your life. Can we stop using this word as a crutch or excuse to help us avoid whatever it is we're trying to avoid...?
*yep, that's still a form of a relationship, lol. ♥
Follow me on twitter...please! @desipoo26 :-)
I've found, the moment you maybe, even slightly think about maybe, possibly mentioning, or even tentatively thinking about saying the word "relationship" to most men in their 20's...their "mars" radar is immediately alerted, they make ready to wear their most high-tech camouflage gear, pack a backpack filled with food to last a while, and go into covert hiding. It's as if you've said, "5, 0, 5, 0, is around the corner!" to a drug dealer sitting on a stoop who has three outstanding warrants! I mean really, it's pretty ridiculous how scary some men get when they hear this word.
Well, I want to bring something to you guys attention...
NEWSFLASH: most of our entire lives are made up of different kinds of RELATIONSHIPS! Whether it's a friendship, a marriage, a boyfriend/girlfriend committed type of interaction, a business association, or you guys are "just" sleeping together (another blog for another day)...THOSE ARE ALL EXAMPLES OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS. Let's also just take a quick look at the definition of "relationship"...
1. A connection, association, or involvement.
2. Connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. An emotional or other connection between people.
4. A sexual involvement; affair.*
Well, there you go. It's just that simple. Just because you make it a point to do your best Jedi impersonation, and never, at any time, or any moment say/mention the word "relationship" ...doesn't mean you've escaped the whole idea in general. Just because you pretend the word "relationship" is part of some foreign language out of some distant land not even on this planet...doesn't mean you're NOT in one. Chances are, you are. Even if you do the opposite and proclaim to the high heavens how much you don't want a "relationship," how relationships don't work for you, how they're too complicated, and blah blah blah. Well, let's just say, if after that proclamation, you're still engaging in any and/or all of the 1-4 previous definitions mentioned with someone....maybe you need to re-evaluate what it is you think...you want...
Bottom line: Don't be deceived by what you think is your own cleverness. No matter how you're handling a situation with the opposite sex, the little ways you avoid using the word "relationship" in an attempt to mask and coddle your own inability to commit...sorry, but it really doesn't matter. Because association, interaction, sexual involvement all make up the definition...gasp...of the word "relationship." So, why fear it? You're already performing the action of the word in almost every aspect of your life. Can we stop using this word as a crutch or excuse to help us avoid whatever it is we're trying to avoid...?
*yep, that's still a form of a relationship, lol. ♥
Follow me on twitter...please! @desipoo26 :-)
A Stadium Experience
When I hear someone mention a strip club, I must say my ears don't necessarily stand at attention. I'm not one who is captivated by the idea of watching naked women dancing around, while Ludacris' "Sex Room" blasts through the speakers, and sirens blare every 5 minutes, and some guy with perv glasses is making it rain dollar bills while drinking a Miller Light. I admit, my standoffishness to it all is due to a horrific first time strip club experience, in Fort Lauderdale Florida...yeah, enough said. Since then, I swore I would never put myself through that again.
But, a few days ago I decided to check out a "club" that has been increasingly growing in popularity in my area. Now, I was told that it wasn't JUST a strip club (riiiiiiiight), but that it was different, and had more of a regular club feel. Because of this, I said, "what the hay" might as well give it a whirl and a twirl. Plus at the time, It was my best friend's last night in town, and what better way to end a crazy week than with a trip to a "sorta" strip club...right?
Well, upon walking in I was immediately greeted by a completely naked woman, literally swinging from the rafters, at the speed of an amusement park ride, positioned in a way that is still perplexing yet disturbingly impressive to me. Of course my mouth instinctively dropped...my uncomfortable meter went dangerously in the red...and if I wasn't brown skin, I'd be tomato red. This was all within 10 seconds of me walking in...I hadn't even taken off my jacket yet. I felt all the eyes in the club immediately turn to me and my best friend. I could hear people whispering, "Oh yeah, this their first time." So what was my next move? You guessed it...the bathroom, THEN the bar!
Now, I am an open germaphobe, so you can imagine my hesitation going into the bathroom. However, I was pleasantly surprised. It looked pretty clean, and I didn't feel like I needed a Hazmat suit to enter the stall. Things were looking up, until a woman, who I admit, could have passed as a man, walked in, and then two robust bouncers followed suit! Was this still the women's restroom? "Did a man come in here?!?!?" ...they yelled emphatically. While I shook my head no, the woman in the stall opened the door, and while STILL on the toilet, proclaimed she was NOT a man! Well, alrighty then. At this point, our search for the bar was looooong overdue...
As I stood there, finally, my long beach in hand, I watched as this beautiful woman moved like an acrobat out of Cirque du Soleil, rather than an extra from "Players Club"...which was what I was actually expecting. I could see why the place was getting to be so popular. Why men were standing there seemingly mesmerized, heaving money at gyrating booty's everywhere I turned. Not only were the tricks pretty impressive, but most of the women weren't bad to look at! Yes, I admit, I was pretty surprised by all of this. My expectations were low.
HOWEVER, in the moment, all I could do was here my mom in my ear saying "Why the hell are YOU here?!" All I wanted to do then was pass out church tracks, and take some type of magic cape to help usher the young ladies off stage. All my thoughts were screaming, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS GURL!" Yes, I know that sounds very dramatic, but if that reaction isn't a clear example of a person being somewhere that totally doesn't suit them, than I don't know what is.
Luckily, my friend decided to show up with VIP wrist bands, and I was able to retreat to a table filled with more drinks and my favorite: hot wings...and thus I avoided any further contact, for the most part, and was in a more comfortable environment...phew, crisis diverted!
Bottom line: Needless to say, I am once again reminded that the strip club is NOT for me...all I can say is, to each his own! ♥
But, a few days ago I decided to check out a "club" that has been increasingly growing in popularity in my area. Now, I was told that it wasn't JUST a strip club (riiiiiiiight), but that it was different, and had more of a regular club feel. Because of this, I said, "what the hay" might as well give it a whirl and a twirl. Plus at the time, It was my best friend's last night in town, and what better way to end a crazy week than with a trip to a "sorta" strip club...right?
Well, upon walking in I was immediately greeted by a completely naked woman, literally swinging from the rafters, at the speed of an amusement park ride, positioned in a way that is still perplexing yet disturbingly impressive to me. Of course my mouth instinctively dropped...my uncomfortable meter went dangerously in the red...and if I wasn't brown skin, I'd be tomato red. This was all within 10 seconds of me walking in...I hadn't even taken off my jacket yet. I felt all the eyes in the club immediately turn to me and my best friend. I could hear people whispering, "Oh yeah, this their first time." So what was my next move? You guessed it...the bathroom, THEN the bar!
Now, I am an open germaphobe, so you can imagine my hesitation going into the bathroom. However, I was pleasantly surprised. It looked pretty clean, and I didn't feel like I needed a Hazmat suit to enter the stall. Things were looking up, until a woman, who I admit, could have passed as a man, walked in, and then two robust bouncers followed suit! Was this still the women's restroom? "Did a man come in here?!?!?" ...they yelled emphatically. While I shook my head no, the woman in the stall opened the door, and while STILL on the toilet, proclaimed she was NOT a man! Well, alrighty then. At this point, our search for the bar was looooong overdue...
As I stood there, finally, my long beach in hand, I watched as this beautiful woman moved like an acrobat out of Cirque du Soleil, rather than an extra from "Players Club"...which was what I was actually expecting. I could see why the place was getting to be so popular. Why men were standing there seemingly mesmerized, heaving money at gyrating booty's everywhere I turned. Not only were the tricks pretty impressive, but most of the women weren't bad to look at! Yes, I admit, I was pretty surprised by all of this. My expectations were low.
HOWEVER, in the moment, all I could do was here my mom in my ear saying "Why the hell are YOU here?!" All I wanted to do then was pass out church tracks, and take some type of magic cape to help usher the young ladies off stage. All my thoughts were screaming, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS GURL!" Yes, I know that sounds very dramatic, but if that reaction isn't a clear example of a person being somewhere that totally doesn't suit them, than I don't know what is.
Luckily, my friend decided to show up with VIP wrist bands, and I was able to retreat to a table filled with more drinks and my favorite: hot wings...and thus I avoided any further contact, for the most part, and was in a more comfortable environment...phew, crisis diverted!
Bottom line: Needless to say, I am once again reminded that the strip club is NOT for me...all I can say is, to each his own! ♥
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
She's ALIVE! :-)
Where have I been? Well, I've been MIA because a lot has been going on in my life, and I just haven't had the energy to blog. For the last couple of months I've actually felt like I've been thrown in an emotional blender. I watched the evolution and dissolution of a relationship that meant a lot to me. So many feelings, so many ups and downs, a lot of disappointment. Now, I could talk about that disappointment or the pain and anger I'm trying to come to terms with. I could also rant about what I thought was right, what I thought was wrong, why I feel like I wasted my time, why I feel betrayed and bamboozled. But I'd rather just talk about what I've learned from it all...because in the grand scheme of things, that's what's worth taking from the situation. Just maybe it will not only help me, but someone else. So, here goes...
First, I learned that when someone shows you who they are, you must believe them. It seems like a simple enough concept, but it really can be challenging when you like someone...and then when that like grows to love. As soon as someone is cruel, inconsiderate, inconsistent, or shows a negative character...no matter how small it seems in that moment, you have to stop and think if that person is who you thought they were. Denial is a powerful sedative. It can have you sleep heavily through the bad because you only want to be awake for the good. It can disable your ability to decipher what is real, and what only lives in the comfort of your imagination. I can admit that for a while, denial was my best friend that only let me see what I wanted to see and not what was truly detrimental to my heart...
I learned how deeply powerful projection can be. When a person's self perception is so screwed, when they feel they can do no wrong, and withhold their faults from themselves, the only thing they now have the capacity to do is project it all on someone else. Unfortunately their projections begin to dictate who you are to them. Instead of seeing you, they see what they refuse to acknowledge in themselves.
"An unclarified mind represses its own faults and then projects them on all opponents." ~R. Collier
A person cannot and will not love you, trust you or respect you in this state. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough. No matter how honest you are, you will always be a liar. Until they look in the mirror and address their own insecurities, fears, and shortfalls, they will be incapable of having a loving and fulfilling relationship.
Lastly, I learned how truly strong I am. I am not perfect, and don't pretend to be. We all fall short, and I'm no different. But I don't run from that fact. I don't hide my imperfections, and I continue to work on them everyday. I know who I am, and through it all, I have managed to stay true to myself, and honest. Despite others, in their ignorance and own self indulgence, trying to dictate who I am...I have remained me, and I will forever be proud of that. Those who really know me, and are understanding and accepting of who I am, despite my faults, are the only ones who matter to me. The only ones who ever will.
Bottom line: It's been a rocky road, but I'm making it through. Though some have tried to kill my loving spirit...their attempts were unsuccessful. I thank God everyday, because without him, I would never be able to get through any of this. I look forward to brighter days from here on out. ♥
First, I learned that when someone shows you who they are, you must believe them. It seems like a simple enough concept, but it really can be challenging when you like someone...and then when that like grows to love. As soon as someone is cruel, inconsiderate, inconsistent, or shows a negative character...no matter how small it seems in that moment, you have to stop and think if that person is who you thought they were. Denial is a powerful sedative. It can have you sleep heavily through the bad because you only want to be awake for the good. It can disable your ability to decipher what is real, and what only lives in the comfort of your imagination. I can admit that for a while, denial was my best friend that only let me see what I wanted to see and not what was truly detrimental to my heart...
I learned how deeply powerful projection can be. When a person's self perception is so screwed, when they feel they can do no wrong, and withhold their faults from themselves, the only thing they now have the capacity to do is project it all on someone else. Unfortunately their projections begin to dictate who you are to them. Instead of seeing you, they see what they refuse to acknowledge in themselves.
"An unclarified mind represses its own faults and then projects them on all opponents." ~R. Collier
A person cannot and will not love you, trust you or respect you in this state. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough. No matter how honest you are, you will always be a liar. Until they look in the mirror and address their own insecurities, fears, and shortfalls, they will be incapable of having a loving and fulfilling relationship.
Lastly, I learned how truly strong I am. I am not perfect, and don't pretend to be. We all fall short, and I'm no different. But I don't run from that fact. I don't hide my imperfections, and I continue to work on them everyday. I know who I am, and through it all, I have managed to stay true to myself, and honest. Despite others, in their ignorance and own self indulgence, trying to dictate who I am...I have remained me, and I will forever be proud of that. Those who really know me, and are understanding and accepting of who I am, despite my faults, are the only ones who matter to me. The only ones who ever will.
Bottom line: It's been a rocky road, but I'm making it through. Though some have tried to kill my loving spirit...their attempts were unsuccessful. I thank God everyday, because without him, I would never be able to get through any of this. I look forward to brighter days from here on out. ♥
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