Question: When someone you loved hurts you, how do you find the strength in your heart to be happy about their success?
At this point in many of our lives, we've all had that one pretty severe heartbreak by now. If not, than you're lucky, and you can stop reading because this blog post will pretty much do nothing for you. However, for many of us, we've been there...crying in a dark room, in the corner, red wine in hand (I mean the bottle, not the glass), and your sad and lonely mix on repeat...cue Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart." Unfortunately, I have had the opportunity to be there, more than once, due to the same person and situation. (sigh)
After years of the back and forth, up and downs, black, white, and gray interpretations of our relationship status, it finally took him uprooting and moving away to end the tenure that was our dysfunctional existence together. Yes, it was still hard to let go, and my heart didn't want it to end, but ultimately I was relieved. I had no choice but to move on, and it was for the best. Someone who you love for years, but NEVER moves the relationship to the next level, is a total waste of time (oh how things are so clear in retrospect). BUT, post move, I found out he lied to me about a few things...one BIG something that was pretty important. If I had of known the truth it would have prompted me to leave the situation and NOT look back a long time ago. I mean, it could have saved me YEARS of breakdowns, freak outs, and detrimental emotions! (excuse the dramatics, but it was THAT serious)
Literally, when I found out his lie, I wanted to kill him (sorry, just being honest). I was livid, hurt, and pretty hysterical. I thought, why tell me the truth now, why not then?? Oh, because we're basically done, no longer involved, you're more than 500 miles away, and I'd have to jump on a plane to get to you! Cruel, and totally disrespectful...and all he could say was "I'm sorry." Ugh, I cannot even begin to convey the depths of my despair, and the wing span of my anger...however, I'm sure you get the point.
But to finally and actually GET to the point, phew, he has decided to be in the entertainment business...and it looks like things are actually looking good for him. Of course I couldn't go on with my life without having him be absolutely unavoidable! I want to be supportive, I want to be happy for him, but I can't even muster up a fake half smile...I can't that even pretend that I'm not still upset...
He was recently in a new music video, and as I watched it, I cried my eyes out. Too many emotions flooded me at once. After all the years, I felt like I should be a part of it, to be able to celebrate with him...to feel good about it all...and I just can't...and it's disappointing.
Bottom line: Only God can heal a truly broken heart. You can't force yourself to feel what you're not ready to feel. It takes courage and maturity to be the bigger person...but until you find peace...you have to just grin and bear it. That's life.
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