A Relationship With a Side of Gray

Question: What is the appropriate behavior when you're currently in a relationship "gray" area??

I know I'm not the only one who's been there...

You're seeing someone, but you guys are technically not committed to one another, and yet you speak everyday, are intimate, share some hopes and dreams...and the thought of the other being with someone else is, well, nauseating and hard to swallow. Still, for whatever reason, you refrain from becoming an item. I would have to say that this relationship state is probably one of the most dangerous to be in! The elusively problematic "GRAY" area.

So, you find out the one you're investing time in, and texting day and night, is seeing someone else. However, you can't get too upset, because you guys are, dun dun dun, not together. So, they don't call for a few days...can you feel some type of way? Of course you can...but yet how far in your feelings can you go, since, once again, you're NOT together...? The "gray" area relationship is one of those relationships that force, otherwise justifiable feelings, into a dark a dreary corner...only to build and fester until, wallah, it boils over and you've snapped...causing your other to look at you like a crazy person.

Despite it's dangerous nature, I feel many of us (mostly women) find ourselves here. It's mainly because one party is not "ready" or "afraid of commitment" ...but isn't committing to a non-commitment a commitment? But I digress...

In this kind of relationship you're pretty much allowed to have your cake and eat it too. You have all the perks of a relationship, but none of the responsibility...what man, um uh, person wouldn't want a relationship like this?

But IN this kind of relationship you obsess over what the appropriate reaction SHOULD be to something that has made you feel either upset, hurt, or unappreciated....in according to the "gray" area, shall I say, rules. Instead of just reacting naturally, we pretend, we fake, we settle, and accept. Whether it's to avoid conflict, or in an attempt to not rock the boat. We hold back because of thoughts like "this is doing too much"..."we're not together so I shouldn't feel..." "he's not with me...so..." "he's probably doing the same thing so..."

So, if a "gray" area relationship is virtually equivalent to walking a tight rope on egg shells...why do we stay in them or even entertain them!?!? I would say hope. Hope that things will change. Hope that things will evolve. Hope that the other person will come to their senses and see how wonderful you are. But there's a very thin line between hope, and delusion.

Bottom line: Walking around all willy nilly is detrimental when your heart is on the line. If you are giving yourself, your time, your feelings, your heart, then there is no need for a gray area. Ultimately, the "gray" area relationship only means someone is settling...is it you? ♥

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