Question of the day: Why do you hold some things in when it comes to certain people and situations?
Anyone who knows me WELL, knows I am one to ALWAYS speak my mind. I am good for voicing my opinion...expressing my emotions...and verbally but most likely unintentionally offending someone. Usually, I am accused of being too straightforward, and asked to use a little more tact. I'm the one who lays the cards all out on the table because hey, life's too short to tip toe around issues. It even makes my closest friends a little nervous sometimes...knowing I'm bound to say anything at anytime. Some people can handle it, some fight it, and others choose not to deal with it. Either way, it's a part of my personality...always has been and always will be. Sometimes it's a gift...and sometimes it feels like a curse. I attribute the character trait to my grandmother. She was the most honest person I ever met. However, for a while I have found myself in unusual territory when it comes to a certain someone and a certain situation. I have found myself holding things in (insert gasp here). Lately I have turned introspectively in an attempt to figure out why this might be. My conclusion: protection and fear. Initially, when this certain situation began, things were held in because of the nature of the circumstances. Probably why I shouldn't have gotten myself in the situation in the first place...but I digress. NOW, I think I've got so used to handling this ONE situation like that, that it's been hard to break out of that habit. I had forced myself (partly my fault and partly his fault) to bite my tongue...and now I couldn't stop. Usually I have no qualms about telling a man to kick rocks, or removing myself from a toxic situation. I suppose I have been protecting myself from the possible repercussions and/or negative reactions that could occur if I really let it all hang out...really expressed myself about everything and anything that had to deal with this certain situation. Of course, totally selling myself short. I guess I was fearful that whatever I was feeling...whatever I had to say...would prompt me to lose whatever I THOUGHT I HAD...would lose a certain someone. Silly? Yes, because you have to have someone in order to lose them. But it is what it is. So, as the YEARS have dragged on...holding things in when it comes to this certain someone has slowly but surely started to chip away at me. My friends are tired of hearing me vent and vent and vent...and always ask why they are the one's I'm venting to as opposed to the party directly involved. And they are completely justified in their inquiry (still they're my friends and it's part of their job :-)). It's no secret the longer you hold things in the riskier things can be because your feelings/emotions are bound to come out sooner or later. Whether it's after a night of binge drinking and during a drunken rage...or after an emotional breakdown...both of which are very unbecoming, unhealthy...and surely make you look crazy. I know I'm not the only one that has found themselves in this kind of situation...but NOW I am choosing to make a conscious effort to face my fears and STOP holding it in!
Bottom line: The longer you hold in your pee the weaker your bladder gets right? Graphic...maybe...but the same can be applied to emotions, opinions, feelings, or whatever. The more you hold it all in the weaker your soul gets...and the more your confidence is corroded. Granted, not everything is meant to be said and heard...but don't let something that's eating you up inside devour you piece by piece. In the words of that great philosopher Shrek, "better out than in...that's what I always say."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
YOU gotta put in WORK!
Question of the day: why do men think they can get something for nothing?
Let's take this professional athlete I met last week...in second reference, I'll just refer to him as "the professional." Now we caught each others eye, talked a bit, did a little texting but that was about it. I was very skeptical about his intentions since he is an athlete, and couldn't wait to see which road he would take. One night, I see him out, and he acts as though he doesn't know who I am! Sorry, but I don't play those silly games. Of course I called him out, and of course his memory magically returned. So we talk for a second, and as I start to walk away, he says he's going to text me...I'm like cool. As I get in my car, my phone starts to buzz. "Send me some pics." That's what he decided to text me. I text back, "pics of what?!?" And he responds so devilishly, "oh, just surprise me ;-)" Huh?!?! My first instinct was to put up my middle finger and send a picture of that, but then I got to thinking. Less than an hour ago he was acting like he didn't know me from a can of paint, and now he wants "pics?" The audacity!! The road he decided to take was clear. It's no surprise I took a much higher road, and simply told him that I wasn't the kind of woman who sends pictures to men I barely know, and for him to have a nice night. And yep, you guessed it, that was the last I heard of "the professional."
Now, Let's take another guy...we're going to call him "Mr. Way Back When" because that was the last time he was relevant in my life. I see him out after not seeing him for months. I smile, say hi, engage in a little convo, and then go on my merry way. Then he texts me, "oh, you're just going to leave, not say bye, not say I'll talk to you soon, not say see you later?" Ummmm, silly silly Mr. Way Back When, why would I elude to something I don't plan to do. The next night he texts me at a very inappropriate time, and asks what I'm doing. Uh, sleeping perhaps. It's like this, I haven't talked to him in months, almost a year, and he's acting like this is A OK....like I'm really going to have a conversation with him at 3am. What were we going to talk about? He thought he could not talk to me for FOREVER, and then pop up and have a top spot?!? He obviously missed the memo that he NEVER had it like that.
These are just two instances that pertain to my previous question: why do men think they can get something for nothing?! I mean I could give a whole laundry list of examples of this sort of thing, but I figured two were enough to get my point across. It's just simple, what have you done for me that would make me want to, oh I don't know, send you pictures of myself, or answer your 3am phone call? What would make you think you have earned such perks... such privileges? Look, a GOOD woman is like a job...your dream job. You search for it, you apply for it, you interview for it, and you do whatever you have to do to keep it. If an employer looks at your resume, and offers an interview, that means they liked what they saw. You have officially got your toe in the door....yes, just your toe. You dress appropriately for the interview. You talk about what you can bring to the job. You want to make sure they know it's worth their wild. And if you get the job, the buck doesn't stop there...you've just got your whole foot in the door now. You have to work hard for the perks. You have to work for the vacation days...the pay raises...the sky box Redskins tickets...you have to work to NOT get fired. You have to work hard enough that they would be crazy to get rid of you. BUT, if you slack off, are late all the time, do stuff half ass, and are always asking for time off...you're not going to be employed very long. You're not going to be treated to the perks. You have to remember, there is always someone out there eager to take your spot. A woman is just like this. A job you love to do. You have to work to keep it, and if you give it all you got, you'll be handsomely rewarded. You might even make partner. Now, if you don't know how to do the job in the first place, STOP READING AND GO ASK SOMEBODY! Sorry, I digress... The tune rings like this, If you work hard for a woman, she'll work hard for you, and have your back. It really is that simple. However, I must say not all jobs are good jobs...not all women are worth working for. That's something you have to find out during the interview process. And then it comes down to this, if you don't love a job, if you hate going to it everyday, or you have no desire to put in work at all, then you might want to seek other employment.
Bottom line: We all have to stop expecting and start respecting. Who wants a woman who doesn't demand that you work for her time, energy, and love? Who wants a woman who's just easy? Some of ya'll out there do, and that's your prerogative, but remember if she was easy for you, she was easy for him too. Stop looking for work that tolerates you being lazy, and start looking for work that forces you to be a man.
Let's take this professional athlete I met last week...in second reference, I'll just refer to him as "the professional." Now we caught each others eye, talked a bit, did a little texting but that was about it. I was very skeptical about his intentions since he is an athlete, and couldn't wait to see which road he would take. One night, I see him out, and he acts as though he doesn't know who I am! Sorry, but I don't play those silly games. Of course I called him out, and of course his memory magically returned. So we talk for a second, and as I start to walk away, he says he's going to text me...I'm like cool. As I get in my car, my phone starts to buzz. "Send me some pics." That's what he decided to text me. I text back, "pics of what?!?" And he responds so devilishly, "oh, just surprise me ;-)" Huh?!?! My first instinct was to put up my middle finger and send a picture of that, but then I got to thinking. Less than an hour ago he was acting like he didn't know me from a can of paint, and now he wants "pics?" The audacity!! The road he decided to take was clear. It's no surprise I took a much higher road, and simply told him that I wasn't the kind of woman who sends pictures to men I barely know, and for him to have a nice night. And yep, you guessed it, that was the last I heard of "the professional."
Now, Let's take another guy...we're going to call him "Mr. Way Back When" because that was the last time he was relevant in my life. I see him out after not seeing him for months. I smile, say hi, engage in a little convo, and then go on my merry way. Then he texts me, "oh, you're just going to leave, not say bye, not say I'll talk to you soon, not say see you later?" Ummmm, silly silly Mr. Way Back When, why would I elude to something I don't plan to do. The next night he texts me at a very inappropriate time, and asks what I'm doing. Uh, sleeping perhaps. It's like this, I haven't talked to him in months, almost a year, and he's acting like this is A OK....like I'm really going to have a conversation with him at 3am. What were we going to talk about? He thought he could not talk to me for FOREVER, and then pop up and have a top spot?!? He obviously missed the memo that he NEVER had it like that.
These are just two instances that pertain to my previous question: why do men think they can get something for nothing?! I mean I could give a whole laundry list of examples of this sort of thing, but I figured two were enough to get my point across. It's just simple, what have you done for me that would make me want to, oh I don't know, send you pictures of myself, or answer your 3am phone call? What would make you think you have earned such perks... such privileges? Look, a GOOD woman is like a job...your dream job. You search for it, you apply for it, you interview for it, and you do whatever you have to do to keep it. If an employer looks at your resume, and offers an interview, that means they liked what they saw. You have officially got your toe in the door....yes, just your toe. You dress appropriately for the interview. You talk about what you can bring to the job. You want to make sure they know it's worth their wild. And if you get the job, the buck doesn't stop there...you've just got your whole foot in the door now. You have to work hard for the perks. You have to work for the vacation days...the pay raises...the sky box Redskins tickets...you have to work to NOT get fired. You have to work hard enough that they would be crazy to get rid of you. BUT, if you slack off, are late all the time, do stuff half ass, and are always asking for time off...you're not going to be employed very long. You're not going to be treated to the perks. You have to remember, there is always someone out there eager to take your spot. A woman is just like this. A job you love to do. You have to work to keep it, and if you give it all you got, you'll be handsomely rewarded. You might even make partner. Now, if you don't know how to do the job in the first place, STOP READING AND GO ASK SOMEBODY! Sorry, I digress... The tune rings like this, If you work hard for a woman, she'll work hard for you, and have your back. It really is that simple. However, I must say not all jobs are good jobs...not all women are worth working for. That's something you have to find out during the interview process. And then it comes down to this, if you don't love a job, if you hate going to it everyday, or you have no desire to put in work at all, then you might want to seek other employment.
Bottom line: We all have to stop expecting and start respecting. Who wants a woman who doesn't demand that you work for her time, energy, and love? Who wants a woman who's just easy? Some of ya'll out there do, and that's your prerogative, but remember if she was easy for you, she was easy for him too. Stop looking for work that tolerates you being lazy, and start looking for work that forces you to be a man.
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