To Snoop or NOT to Snoop...

Question of the day: Is it ever OK to play detective with the person your with/dating? I was reading my Cosmo mag today, as usual, and they devoted a whole four or so pages to, "How to Snoop on your man." It went into great detail about what his car says about him, what his place of residence shows, and so on and so on. I couldn't believe the in depth steps and explanations the article had gone through great lengths to reveal. I got to thinking about what snooping is and what it isn't. I remember, back in the day, I had a boyfriend who left me alone with his phone for a good 30 minutes. As I sat there, the temptation had taken over me, and it was just too much. It's like when your parents tell you not to touch that big red button, and then walk away...expecting you to obey, come on! I wasn't looking for anything particular, I was just, well curious...oh, but we all must remember how curiosity killed the cat. I ended up finding pics of another girl smiling, frolicking and carrying on. At that point I definitely had a dilemma. I couldn't go off, yell, and rant like I wanted to when I intentionally invaded his privacy...although it seemed he was in the wrong, I was technically in the wrong too. So, I bit the bullet, and of course looked for another way to bring it up. Still, ever since then I have vowed to never snoop again...unless I had probable cause (another issue for another blog). The lines of snooping and just looking around seem to be a little blurred to me. When it comes to facebook or myspace, is checking your guys' page almost everyday considered snooping? I figure if they allow it to be out there for the entire Internet community, it's public property. However hacking into his account and reading all of his messages is considered snooping...or just going to damn far. I know girls, and guys, (y'all do it too) who have done just that...hacked into all kinds of stuff....phone records, credit card bills, etc...I was even a victim of it. I once talked to a guy who had dated a psycho woman before me, and she got my number from his records and started harassing me. I thought she had taken notes from Fatal Attraction or something. I digress, but when it comes to dating I do feel like it's always good to have a strong and observant eye, but taking it to the extremes, like analyzing the contents in his trash...is definitely doing the very most. I love Cosmo, but it's articles like these that help give ammo to those crazy stalker women coalitions.
Bottom line: If you're going to play Sherlock Holmes and go a snooping, you are bound to find SOMETHING you don't like. If you have to go to the extremes and are plagued with suspicions, maybe there is a much bigger problem in a much bigger picture.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/30/nyregion/30cheat.html?_r=1&oref=slogin (an article the NY Times did a little while ago that I thought was interesting...)

I want it ALL!

Question: Why CAN'T I have my cake and eat it too? I mean really. I was successful in college, and I'm on the highway speeding when it comes to my career...now why can't the romantic side of my life fall in to place like everything else? When I am "dating" someone, everyone and they mama, cousin, and second cousin, want to suddenly appear...calling me cause now they want to know how I am. Or, I'll be "dating" someone, and then meet someone who is just as great or even better. HOWEVER, when there are no dates, no prospects, and no future prospects in the starting line-up everyone else seems to disappear from the team. It's like when I'm attached a scent is sent out across the male radar, but when I'm not, I fall of the radar completely. It's always pouring cats and dogs when it rains, and when there's a drought there's no water in sight for miles on end...just illusions, delusions, confusions, and any other "ions" you can think of. It just isn't fair, but I suppose a couple blogs ago there was a clear consensus that life wasn't fair. Still, It seems as though it's always one or the other. Career, or Love...PC or Mac...Caesar or Garden....Mint or Bubbleliscous....Grilled or Crispy...There's a lot of "either or's" in life, although many of us do find our ways around it...like having your paper bags inside your plastic bags. I digress, so when it comes to matters of the heart, is there just not enough room for both an outstanding career and an outstanding relationship? I know for some of my friends who are athletes, trying to be the best you can at what you do takes all your energy, and there's just not anything left to give to a significant other....or entertainers for instance, many of them don't stay together because of the strain of hectic schedules and such. I am no athlete or famous person (yet), but I do know that a great career can be very rewarding, but at the end of the day...if there is no one at home for you to share your success with...how much is that reward worth in the end?
Bottom line: Money depletes...medals, awards, and accolades gather dust, but it's sharing all that you have won, all that you've been rewarded, and all the great things you have experienced with someone else that is the cherry on top of the icing of your chocolate cake...that you CAN eat!

~Work for it all...Have it all!

The non-relationship relationship...

Question of the day: Can you ever end a non-relationship relationship? Today, my very good friend pointed out to me that I have been in an off and on NR relationship for close to four years now, and began to play the highlight reel of all the most significant events. It made sense that she would know since she's had the pleasure of being around since the very beginning. From the time I first told her about him and the butterflies he gave me, to the time she saw me have a full body meltdown because of him, and one can't forget the time she latched on to my leg one night in an attempt to keep me from leaving to see him. She's seen the worst, and the best...she's been there through all the "cut off" plans I tried to implement, and all the "cut him" plans I drafted and thankfully never carried out. And now, she was listening to me say, for the millionth time, "ok, so he's back." This time however, my feet are firmly planted on the ground and there will be no drifting off to la la land. As for my NR relationship counterpart, I have spoke of him before so affectionately as "that guy," his status in my life has not changed while the actual relationships i've had in the meantime have come and gone. He's someone I deeply care for, and still love to be around. I think about the good times and bad times, and his recent return to the forefront of my brain after an eight month...let's just say hiatus. After everything that has happened, he has remained a powerful force in my life...reaping the majority of the benefits of being a boyfriend, and the luxury of accepting none of the responsibility. There are obviously feelings and emotions floating around in the clouds of our NR relationship, but that's all they do...float. At times he's been the chocolate chip to my cookie doe, but then the ice berg to my Titanic...he's taken me to the highest point of happiness mountain, and dragged me down to the dark and severely depressing valley, and I wonder, will this NR relationship ever end...will it ever be a real functioning relationship...can it ever work as anything more than what it's been? I am no fool (or am I). After four years of his building up and tearing down, I have gotten to a point where I expect nothing from him. In fact, I expect to be disappointed by him. So, why do I keep participating in this foolery, and can't completely walk away, and stay away? Perhaps love is the elusive culprit...maybe it's been so long that i'm stuck in the realm of the familiarity revolving door. Hmm, your guess is as good as mine.
Bottom line: if you see an apple, all nice and red, fresh and delicious, just because you don't call it an apple doesn't mean it isn't one. When it comes down to it, every good woman needs and deserves a good man who is willing to call the apple, well, an apple. Ladies, don't settle for the NR relationship...it's the real thing or nothing!

~I'm not bitter...just a little damaged.