Listening...a dead art?

It is no secret that women are more open to verbal communication when it comes to the nitty gritty of a relationship. Still, listening to your partner is just as important as whatever you want them to hear. This is something that can be very hard to do, it's something many would rather not do. Who wants to address hurt feelings, fears, doubts, and concerns to a person you don't want to lose...sometimes you'd rather let them just manifest themselves into the big gray elephant in a room, or let them fester until their fumes morph into a large atomic bomb and explode in the face of an unsuspecting loved one. Needless to say those tactics aren't exactly healthy for a relationship. My BF has this thing where he feels whenever we start talking about the issues within our relationship, a nasty emotional fight is all that occurs. But I feel, if we are both willing to listen, respect, and do our best to understand the other person, than there's no reason for World War three. If we can't talk to each other about how we feel, than how can we function, grow, or love? A relationship cannot and will not work without honest words, and open ears.

"The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choice words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech."
~Edwin H. Friedman

When you hit the bottom...only way to go is UP!

Rock Bottom: the lowest possible level, the absolute lowest point.

If you've read the last couple of blogs, it's really no surprise that this state of mind was a natural progression from the recent events. I have never been in love before...I mean in high school, but that was puppy love, not so serious, and not so complex. As you get older, you really begin to see what love is all about. Of course it's about sharing your life and happy memories with someone else, movie nights, candle lit dinners, and hot passionate...well use your imagination. But it's also about compromise, trust, letting down your defenses, taking a chance, vulnerability, and understanding...money, family, and future plans. Things most of us find difficult to do, things that are important enough to ruin a relationship if not handled with delicacy. The level of difficulty depends on the amount of hurt you've felt in the past, and the way you intertwine your practical life with someone else depends on your level of maturity. With all of that said, a couple days ago I spent an entire 24 hours in shambles, eyes blood shot, strength deteriorating, and mind wandering. Me and the BF had finally reached a point where nothing seemed to matter but the anger, the hurt, and the distrust. Us, together, was an afterthought. We had one of our many fights, all rooted in the same cause...a lack of trust and understanding. He wouldn't answer the phone, wouldn't answer a text, and I bet if I had sent a carrier pigeon he'd a shot it down with a Beebe gun. It really felt as though it was all over. I felt helpless, and defeated...hurt, and misunderstood...betrayed, and weak. No one ever wants to feel one of those things, but all of them at the same time...emotionally unstable does not even begin to describe my state. It was rough, and I was a hot mess. Towards the end of a two day depression, I had began to let myself give up, not care, and let go. I expressed my current state to my BF, and at first his selfishness trumped his opportunity to be compassionate. But after letting it all sink in, he started to see. But was it too late? Not, just yet. I had my eyes set on a getaway plan, but hadn't started packing my bags. He stopped me just in time. He told me what I needed to hear to not leave. His last wall had fallen....thank God because all I want is for us to be the strong couple I know we can be. So, here we are, for the first time, on the same page, both emotionally naked, both willing to do what it takes. A lot of the times you get with someone, you fall in love, but then you forget about the commitment. Any fool can love, but it takes strength and confidence to fully commit to someone else...to the success of a relationship. I think we've found our confidence and strength in each other, but of course, only time will tell.
Bottom line: Sometimes it all has to come crashing down before you can start to rebuild again. Love is not for the weak, and if you want to be dedicated and committed to the betterment of a relationship, stop being lazy and get to work.

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. ~Charles DuBois