The word "relationship" equivalent to a personal Apocalypse?
I've found, the moment you maybe, even slightly think about maybe, possibly mentioning, or even tentatively thinking about saying the word "relationship" to most men in their 20's...their "mars" radar is immediately alerted, they make ready to wear their most high-tech camouflage gear, pack a backpack filled with food to last a while, and go into covert hiding. It's as if you've said, "5, 0, 5, 0, is around the corner!" to a drug dealer sitting on a stoop who has three outstanding warrants! I mean really, it's pretty ridiculous how scary some men get when they hear this word.
Well, I want to bring something to you guys attention...
NEWSFLASH: most of our entire lives are made up of different kinds of RELATIONSHIPS! Whether it's a friendship, a marriage, a boyfriend/girlfriend committed type of interaction, a business association, or you guys are "just" sleeping together (another blog for another day)...THOSE ARE ALL EXAMPLES OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS. Let's also just take a quick look at the definition of "relationship"...
1. A connection, association, or involvement.
2. Connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. An emotional or other connection between people.
4. A sexual involvement; affair.*
Well, there you go. It's just that simple. Just because you make it a point to do your best Jedi impersonation, and never, at any time, or any moment say/mention the word "relationship" ...doesn't mean you've escaped the whole idea in general. Just because you pretend the word "relationship" is part of some foreign language out of some distant land not even on this planet...doesn't mean you're NOT in one. Chances are, you are. Even if you do the opposite and proclaim to the high heavens how much you don't want a "relationship," how relationships don't work for you, how they're too complicated, and blah blah blah. Well, let's just say, if after that proclamation, you're still engaging in any and/or all of the 1-4 previous definitions mentioned with someone....maybe you need to re-evaluate what it is you think...you want...
Bottom line: Don't be deceived by what you think is your own cleverness. No matter how you're handling a situation with the opposite sex, the little ways you avoid using the word "relationship" in an attempt to mask and coddle your own inability to commit...sorry, but it really doesn't matter. Because association, interaction, sexual involvement all make up the definition...gasp...of the word "relationship." So, why fear it? You're already performing the action of the word in almost every aspect of your life. Can we stop using this word as a crutch or excuse to help us avoid whatever it is we're trying to avoid...?
*yep, that's still a form of a relationship, lol. ♥
Follow me on twitter...please! @desipoo26 :-)
Saturday, November 6, 2010
A Stadium Experience
When I hear someone mention a strip club, I must say my ears don't necessarily stand at attention. I'm not one who is captivated by the idea of watching naked women dancing around, while Ludacris' "Sex Room" blasts through the speakers, and sirens blare every 5 minutes, and some guy with perv glasses is making it rain dollar bills while drinking a Miller Light. I admit, my standoffishness to it all is due to a horrific first time strip club experience, in Fort Lauderdale Florida...yeah, enough said. Since then, I swore I would never put myself through that again.
But, a few days ago I decided to check out a "club" that has been increasingly growing in popularity in my area. Now, I was told that it wasn't JUST a strip club (riiiiiiiight), but that it was different, and had more of a regular club feel. Because of this, I said, "what the hay" might as well give it a whirl and a twirl. Plus at the time, It was my best friend's last night in town, and what better way to end a crazy week than with a trip to a "sorta" strip club...right?
Well, upon walking in I was immediately greeted by a completely naked woman, literally swinging from the rafters, at the speed of an amusement park ride, positioned in a way that is still perplexing yet disturbingly impressive to me. Of course my mouth instinctively dropped...my uncomfortable meter went dangerously in the red...and if I wasn't brown skin, I'd be tomato red. This was all within 10 seconds of me walking in...I hadn't even taken off my jacket yet. I felt all the eyes in the club immediately turn to me and my best friend. I could hear people whispering, "Oh yeah, this their first time." So what was my next move? You guessed it...the bathroom, THEN the bar!
Now, I am an open germaphobe, so you can imagine my hesitation going into the bathroom. However, I was pleasantly surprised. It looked pretty clean, and I didn't feel like I needed a Hazmat suit to enter the stall. Things were looking up, until a woman, who I admit, could have passed as a man, walked in, and then two robust bouncers followed suit! Was this still the women's restroom? "Did a man come in here?!?!?" ...they yelled emphatically. While I shook my head no, the woman in the stall opened the door, and while STILL on the toilet, proclaimed she was NOT a man! Well, alrighty then. At this point, our search for the bar was looooong overdue...
As I stood there, finally, my long beach in hand, I watched as this beautiful woman moved like an acrobat out of Cirque du Soleil, rather than an extra from "Players Club"...which was what I was actually expecting. I could see why the place was getting to be so popular. Why men were standing there seemingly mesmerized, heaving money at gyrating booty's everywhere I turned. Not only were the tricks pretty impressive, but most of the women weren't bad to look at! Yes, I admit, I was pretty surprised by all of this. My expectations were low.
HOWEVER, in the moment, all I could do was here my mom in my ear saying "Why the hell are YOU here?!" All I wanted to do then was pass out church tracks, and take some type of magic cape to help usher the young ladies off stage. All my thoughts were screaming, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS GURL!" Yes, I know that sounds very dramatic, but if that reaction isn't a clear example of a person being somewhere that totally doesn't suit them, than I don't know what is.
Luckily, my friend decided to show up with VIP wrist bands, and I was able to retreat to a table filled with more drinks and my favorite: hot wings...and thus I avoided any further contact, for the most part, and was in a more comfortable environment...phew, crisis diverted!
Bottom line: Needless to say, I am once again reminded that the strip club is NOT for me...all I can say is, to each his own! ♥
But, a few days ago I decided to check out a "club" that has been increasingly growing in popularity in my area. Now, I was told that it wasn't JUST a strip club (riiiiiiiight), but that it was different, and had more of a regular club feel. Because of this, I said, "what the hay" might as well give it a whirl and a twirl. Plus at the time, It was my best friend's last night in town, and what better way to end a crazy week than with a trip to a "sorta" strip club...right?
Well, upon walking in I was immediately greeted by a completely naked woman, literally swinging from the rafters, at the speed of an amusement park ride, positioned in a way that is still perplexing yet disturbingly impressive to me. Of course my mouth instinctively dropped...my uncomfortable meter went dangerously in the red...and if I wasn't brown skin, I'd be tomato red. This was all within 10 seconds of me walking in...I hadn't even taken off my jacket yet. I felt all the eyes in the club immediately turn to me and my best friend. I could hear people whispering, "Oh yeah, this their first time." So what was my next move? You guessed it...the bathroom, THEN the bar!
Now, I am an open germaphobe, so you can imagine my hesitation going into the bathroom. However, I was pleasantly surprised. It looked pretty clean, and I didn't feel like I needed a Hazmat suit to enter the stall. Things were looking up, until a woman, who I admit, could have passed as a man, walked in, and then two robust bouncers followed suit! Was this still the women's restroom? "Did a man come in here?!?!?" ...they yelled emphatically. While I shook my head no, the woman in the stall opened the door, and while STILL on the toilet, proclaimed she was NOT a man! Well, alrighty then. At this point, our search for the bar was looooong overdue...
As I stood there, finally, my long beach in hand, I watched as this beautiful woman moved like an acrobat out of Cirque du Soleil, rather than an extra from "Players Club"...which was what I was actually expecting. I could see why the place was getting to be so popular. Why men were standing there seemingly mesmerized, heaving money at gyrating booty's everywhere I turned. Not only were the tricks pretty impressive, but most of the women weren't bad to look at! Yes, I admit, I was pretty surprised by all of this. My expectations were low.
HOWEVER, in the moment, all I could do was here my mom in my ear saying "Why the hell are YOU here?!" All I wanted to do then was pass out church tracks, and take some type of magic cape to help usher the young ladies off stage. All my thoughts were screaming, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS GURL!" Yes, I know that sounds very dramatic, but if that reaction isn't a clear example of a person being somewhere that totally doesn't suit them, than I don't know what is.
Luckily, my friend decided to show up with VIP wrist bands, and I was able to retreat to a table filled with more drinks and my favorite: hot wings...and thus I avoided any further contact, for the most part, and was in a more comfortable environment...phew, crisis diverted!
Bottom line: Needless to say, I am once again reminded that the strip club is NOT for me...all I can say is, to each his own! ♥
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
She's ALIVE! :-)
Where have I been? Well, I've been MIA because a lot has been going on in my life, and I just haven't had the energy to blog. For the last couple of months I've actually felt like I've been thrown in an emotional blender. I watched the evolution and dissolution of a relationship that meant a lot to me. So many feelings, so many ups and downs, a lot of disappointment. Now, I could talk about that disappointment or the pain and anger I'm trying to come to terms with. I could also rant about what I thought was right, what I thought was wrong, why I feel like I wasted my time, why I feel betrayed and bamboozled. But I'd rather just talk about what I've learned from it all...because in the grand scheme of things, that's what's worth taking from the situation. Just maybe it will not only help me, but someone else. So, here goes...
First, I learned that when someone shows you who they are, you must believe them. It seems like a simple enough concept, but it really can be challenging when you like someone...and then when that like grows to love. As soon as someone is cruel, inconsiderate, inconsistent, or shows a negative character...no matter how small it seems in that moment, you have to stop and think if that person is who you thought they were. Denial is a powerful sedative. It can have you sleep heavily through the bad because you only want to be awake for the good. It can disable your ability to decipher what is real, and what only lives in the comfort of your imagination. I can admit that for a while, denial was my best friend that only let me see what I wanted to see and not what was truly detrimental to my heart...
I learned how deeply powerful projection can be. When a person's self perception is so screwed, when they feel they can do no wrong, and withhold their faults from themselves, the only thing they now have the capacity to do is project it all on someone else. Unfortunately their projections begin to dictate who you are to them. Instead of seeing you, they see what they refuse to acknowledge in themselves.
"An unclarified mind represses its own faults and then projects them on all opponents." ~R. Collier
A person cannot and will not love you, trust you or respect you in this state. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough. No matter how honest you are, you will always be a liar. Until they look in the mirror and address their own insecurities, fears, and shortfalls, they will be incapable of having a loving and fulfilling relationship.
Lastly, I learned how truly strong I am. I am not perfect, and don't pretend to be. We all fall short, and I'm no different. But I don't run from that fact. I don't hide my imperfections, and I continue to work on them everyday. I know who I am, and through it all, I have managed to stay true to myself, and honest. Despite others, in their ignorance and own self indulgence, trying to dictate who I am...I have remained me, and I will forever be proud of that. Those who really know me, and are understanding and accepting of who I am, despite my faults, are the only ones who matter to me. The only ones who ever will.
Bottom line: It's been a rocky road, but I'm making it through. Though some have tried to kill my loving spirit...their attempts were unsuccessful. I thank God everyday, because without him, I would never be able to get through any of this. I look forward to brighter days from here on out. ♥
First, I learned that when someone shows you who they are, you must believe them. It seems like a simple enough concept, but it really can be challenging when you like someone...and then when that like grows to love. As soon as someone is cruel, inconsiderate, inconsistent, or shows a negative character...no matter how small it seems in that moment, you have to stop and think if that person is who you thought they were. Denial is a powerful sedative. It can have you sleep heavily through the bad because you only want to be awake for the good. It can disable your ability to decipher what is real, and what only lives in the comfort of your imagination. I can admit that for a while, denial was my best friend that only let me see what I wanted to see and not what was truly detrimental to my heart...
I learned how deeply powerful projection can be. When a person's self perception is so screwed, when they feel they can do no wrong, and withhold their faults from themselves, the only thing they now have the capacity to do is project it all on someone else. Unfortunately their projections begin to dictate who you are to them. Instead of seeing you, they see what they refuse to acknowledge in themselves.
"An unclarified mind represses its own faults and then projects them on all opponents." ~R. Collier
A person cannot and will not love you, trust you or respect you in this state. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough. No matter how honest you are, you will always be a liar. Until they look in the mirror and address their own insecurities, fears, and shortfalls, they will be incapable of having a loving and fulfilling relationship.
Lastly, I learned how truly strong I am. I am not perfect, and don't pretend to be. We all fall short, and I'm no different. But I don't run from that fact. I don't hide my imperfections, and I continue to work on them everyday. I know who I am, and through it all, I have managed to stay true to myself, and honest. Despite others, in their ignorance and own self indulgence, trying to dictate who I am...I have remained me, and I will forever be proud of that. Those who really know me, and are understanding and accepting of who I am, despite my faults, are the only ones who matter to me. The only ones who ever will.
Bottom line: It's been a rocky road, but I'm making it through. Though some have tried to kill my loving spirit...their attempts were unsuccessful. I thank God everyday, because without him, I would never be able to get through any of this. I look forward to brighter days from here on out. ♥
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