"DING DING DING"...Let's get ready to RUMBLE!

Relationships can be sweet, comforting, passionate, loving, fulfilling, and a beautiful experience, but they can also be difficult, frustrating, time consuming, draining, and down right HARD WORK. Lately, me and the BF have had a few...let's call them tiffs..."that was a horrible thing to say to me,"you don't do what a girlfriend should do," "can you please not talk to my friends so much," "I can't talk to you without hurting you," "I don't feel like you'd be there if I needed you to be,""man up," "can you please just listen"...sigh. Yes, the last couple of weeks have been emotionally tiring. You get into these emotional rumbles, and your voice starts to elevate, your blood begins to boil, tears gather in the bottom corners of your eyes, you're on the verge of saying something you don't really mean, throwing the closest thing to you at that persons head/body, and the situation seems hopeless. When it goes that far it's hard to stop yourself, have a moment of clarity, retreat, and think twice. Instead you wander off into the realm of the WWF. So, what is the right way to fight...the right way to get your point across with as little collateral damage as possible? I know I have been engaging in fights with my BF that break all the relationship laws. I have been a consistent repeat offender, guilty on all charges, but he has also been an active participant...a lively accessory. Still, it comes down to how you want your relationship to be? Do you want the Ike and Tina Turner relationship...toxic, violent, and tumultuous, or do you want a relationship that makes both you and your partner content and satisfied. Most of us would hopefully choose the latter. I know I do. With all of that said, here's some ways to fight right...minus the verbal insults and possible throwing of personal affects.

• When you want to talk to your significant other about something that has been bothering you, make sure that you are specific when you initiate the conversation. This will help them understand what you think is wrong right away.
  
• When you bring up your grievances, make sure that you are criticizing your partner’s behavior not their character. Do not insult or belittle them. If your partner feels that you are attacking their character, they will feel hurt and betrayed. For example, if you think that they were rude to you, do not call them rude, specifically say that they were acting rude. There’s a difference.
• Don’t try to tell your partner how they feel. They know how they feel so let them tell you.
• Listen! Don’t cut each other off. Let your significant other say what they need to say, and when they are finished speaking, it will be your turn to respond.
• Focus on one thing at a time. When you have resolved one issue then you can move on to another one. This will keep you from overloading your partner with grievances, making them feel overwhelmed and hopeless.
• Always try to come to a compromise. It is the best way to resolve a fight. Don’t begin a fight with the mindset that it has to end the way you want it to.
• At the end of the fight apologize, especially if you hurt your partner. The fight shouldn't be about right and wrong, it should be about fixing a problem and strengthening the relationship.

~tips courtesy of http://lakeshoreli.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/relationships-how-to-fight-the-right-way/

Beep Beep...get the heck out the way!

Question: Why is it so easy to get in your own way when it comes to the road to happiness? For the last couple of weeks I have been frolicking around...floating on air...lost in a hazy love daze, and it's been wonderful. However, because of the overwhelming surprise factor of the entire situation, it has also been suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper intimidating, scary, intense, and down right terrifying. You start to think about how high the new love is making you, and then you make the mistake of looking down...realizing that if you fall, it's a long way to the bone shattering ground. It's only natural that you start to go in to self-protection mode...holding back, becoming aloof, and allowing yourself to engage in mindless arguments. Then you say that one thing, on that one day, that is finally the last straw. That one thing that you know deep down you shouldn't say, but fear has put a barricade in front of your love train and made it nearly impossible to travel along. "Maybe we don't have to be together...maybe we just shouldn't!" As soon as I said it I felt regret seep out through my pores, and immediately wanted to take it back. Here is this great man, completely infatuated with me, and all he asks is to be with me...little ol me, and I'm telling him that it's not necessary. Bwhaaaaat...such an idiot! So, this man, who once had no doubts about our future, now doubts the present and every second after. Just like that the dynamics of our whirlwind courtship completely changed. It didn't take me very long to realize the extent of my mess-up, and after some thought I quickly slapped myself in the face and came to my senses. On one hand I had a wonderful person and happiness, and on the other hand I had no one and misery...hmmm doesn't take a rocket science to figure out the best decision to make. It wasn't easy convincing my now boyfriend that I didn't really mean what I said...it took some explaining and a few tears, but luckily for me he allowed himself to understand!!

Bottom line: After an endless amount of disappointments, it can be easy to wallow in misery and refuse to be happy...you get to throw yourself pity parties and drink an endless amount of wine. It takes courage to accept a good thing and allow yourself to be happy...but if you have the opportunity to do so, DON'T chicken out. GET THE F*$K OUT OF YOUR WAY!

~this happiness is long overdue...