The non-relationship relationship...

Question of the day: Can you ever end a non-relationship relationship? Today, my very good friend pointed out to me that I have been in an off and on NR relationship for close to four years now, and began to play the highlight reel of all the most significant events. It made sense that she would know since she's had the pleasure of being around since the very beginning. From the time I first told her about him and the butterflies he gave me, to the time she saw me have a full body meltdown because of him, and one can't forget the time she latched on to my leg one night in an attempt to keep me from leaving to see him. She's seen the worst, and the best...she's been there through all the "cut off" plans I tried to implement, and all the "cut him" plans I drafted and thankfully never carried out. And now, she was listening to me say, for the millionth time, "ok, so he's back." This time however, my feet are firmly planted on the ground and there will be no drifting off to la la land. As for my NR relationship counterpart, I have spoke of him before so affectionately as "that guy," his status in my life has not changed while the actual relationships i've had in the meantime have come and gone. He's someone I deeply care for, and still love to be around. I think about the good times and bad times, and his recent return to the forefront of my brain after an eight month...let's just say hiatus. After everything that has happened, he has remained a powerful force in my life...reaping the majority of the benefits of being a boyfriend, and the luxury of accepting none of the responsibility. There are obviously feelings and emotions floating around in the clouds of our NR relationship, but that's all they do...float. At times he's been the chocolate chip to my cookie doe, but then the ice berg to my Titanic...he's taken me to the highest point of happiness mountain, and dragged me down to the dark and severely depressing valley, and I wonder, will this NR relationship ever end...will it ever be a real functioning relationship...can it ever work as anything more than what it's been? I am no fool (or am I). After four years of his building up and tearing down, I have gotten to a point where I expect nothing from him. In fact, I expect to be disappointed by him. So, why do I keep participating in this foolery, and can't completely walk away, and stay away? Perhaps love is the elusive culprit...maybe it's been so long that i'm stuck in the realm of the familiarity revolving door. Hmm, your guess is as good as mine.
Bottom line: if you see an apple, all nice and red, fresh and delicious, just because you don't call it an apple doesn't mean it isn't one. When it comes down to it, every good woman needs and deserves a good man who is willing to call the apple, well, an apple. Ladies, don't settle for the NR relationship...it's the real thing or nothing!

~I'm not bitter...just a little damaged.