Question of the day: What happens when a guy exhibits behavior that suggests there's an emotional wire disconnected?
My best friends NOW ex boyfriend told me once that he loved her. Said he would do anything for her. Promised he wouldn't hurt her. Of course the jury's still out on whether he was trying to convince me or himself....but he knew I knew he couldn't live up to his own promises. After multiple break ups...dangerous fights...intense make-ups...and all the happiness and pain in between...my best friend said she was finally over it all...over him. I suppose it took this last time...this last mistake...this last heartbreak...this last act of disrespect to push her to finally take her heart off the table. He cheated. Multiple times. With multiple women. Some she happened to know. Even after he fought painfully hard to get her back so many times...cried out for her to forgive him...pleaded his case, not only to her, but to me too...said that he wanted her to be his wife...he STILL did what he did. What he's always done. Almost three years of the same go around. Crazy? Yes. But love can cloud all reason...make the sanest person insane. Yet, after all of the drama, my best friend tried to keep things cordial. She didn't cut him off (like I suggested)...and although she wouldn't take him back, she still answered when he called. Would text back when he text. Until one day she didn't. Until one day it all sank in. The disrespect, the pain...it all came up from a suppressed place and wielded itself around her heart. She couldn't bring herself to press answer. She couldn't bring herself to text back. This one day she finally realized he didn't deserve that. Now, this action prompted a (kind of) surprising reaction on her Ex's part. He called once during the day. She didn't answer. She didn't call back. He left a message. He sent a text. She didn't respond. Then he proceeded to call every minute for a full hour...he called her 60 times. He text her after every call. "Why won't you answer?" She continued to ignore. Then he resorted to name calling in an effort to get a reaction. She didn't fall for it. Then he threatened to come to her house. She simply said "don't." Thinking her response meant they were now having a conversation, he called again. She pressed ignore. I must say that if the tables were turned and a girl was doing all of this she would be called all kinds of crazy...told she was trippin'...but when a guy does it he says you're trippin' for not answering...huh? Oh, the double standards. But, I digress...this is the classic example of all the cliche's you say when someone who has hurt you gets a taste of the pain you felt. Notice I said a taste because not answering a phone call or text is nothing like cheating on someone. Still, he was showing signs of fear. Fear that his luck had run out. He thought he had gotten away with doing what he did. He thought he hadn't lost. He thought he could still keep this good woman. Silly, silly, silly. He claimed to be puzzled. Confused. Why would she do this to him. That's when I realize there's an important wire disconnected. He cheated. He lied....and didn't apologize for any of it. He betrayed her trust...betrayed their love. You can't do that, and think you will suffer no consequence. But, I guess if you're disconnected in some way, you're bound to think anything. On the other hand, I do see why he MIGHT conclude such a silly thing. He's got away with it before, what should make now any different? What's changed that NOW she won't come back? I get it. A person will continue to treat you how they want if you allow them to...if you accept it...and if you don't demand any better. But the day you open your heart up to that fact, remove yourself from the distorted equation...is the day you get 60 calls and a hundred texts.
Bottom line: You can often say more with silence than you could ever say with words. Words are powerful, but if they are contradicted by actions than they mean nothing. The most precious, fragile, and important thing you can put on the table is your heart...and it's not something you gamble carelessly. It takes guts to stay in the game...but it takes wisdom and strength to know when to fold...
Love: 1-0 :-)
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