Question of the day: Why do you hold some things in when it comes to certain people and situations?
Anyone who knows me WELL, knows I am one to ALWAYS speak my mind. I am good for voicing my opinion...expressing my emotions...and verbally but most likely unintentionally offending someone. Usually, I am accused of being too straightforward, and asked to use a little more tact. I'm the one who lays the cards all out on the table because hey, life's too short to tip toe around issues. It even makes my closest friends a little nervous sometimes...knowing I'm bound to say anything at anytime. Some people can handle it, some fight it, and others choose not to deal with it. Either way, it's a part of my personality...always has been and always will be. Sometimes it's a gift...and sometimes it feels like a curse. I attribute the character trait to my grandmother. She was the most honest person I ever met. However, for a while I have found myself in unusual territory when it comes to a certain someone and a certain situation. I have found myself holding things in (insert gasp here). Lately I have turned introspectively in an attempt to figure out why this might be. My conclusion: protection and fear. Initially, when this certain situation began, things were held in because of the nature of the circumstances. Probably why I shouldn't have gotten myself in the situation in the first place...but I digress. NOW, I think I've got so used to handling this ONE situation like that, that it's been hard to break out of that habit. I had forced myself (partly my fault and partly his fault) to bite my tongue...and now I couldn't stop. Usually I have no qualms about telling a man to kick rocks, or removing myself from a toxic situation. I suppose I have been protecting myself from the possible repercussions and/or negative reactions that could occur if I really let it all hang out...really expressed myself about everything and anything that had to deal with this certain situation. Of course, totally selling myself short. I guess I was fearful that whatever I was feeling...whatever I had to say...would prompt me to lose whatever I THOUGHT I HAD...would lose a certain someone. Silly? Yes, because you have to have someone in order to lose them. But it is what it is. So, as the YEARS have dragged on...holding things in when it comes to this certain someone has slowly but surely started to chip away at me. My friends are tired of hearing me vent and vent and vent...and always ask why they are the one's I'm venting to as opposed to the party directly involved. And they are completely justified in their inquiry (still they're my friends and it's part of their job :-)). It's no secret the longer you hold things in the riskier things can be because your feelings/emotions are bound to come out sooner or later. Whether it's after a night of binge drinking and during a drunken rage...or after an emotional breakdown...both of which are very unbecoming, unhealthy...and surely make you look crazy. I know I'm not the only one that has found themselves in this kind of situation...but NOW I am choosing to make a conscious effort to face my fears and STOP holding it in!
Bottom line: The longer you hold in your pee the weaker your bladder gets right? Graphic...maybe...but the same can be applied to emotions, opinions, feelings, or whatever. The more you hold it all in the weaker your soul gets...and the more your confidence is corroded. Granted, not everything is meant to be said and heard...but don't let something that's eating you up inside devour you piece by piece. In the words of that great philosopher Shrek, "better out than in...that's what I always say."
No comments:
Post a Comment