When I hear someone mention a strip club, I must say my ears don't necessarily stand at attention. I'm not one who is captivated by the idea of watching naked women dancing around, while Ludacris' "Sex Room" blasts through the speakers, and sirens blare every 5 minutes, and some guy with perv glasses is making it rain dollar bills while drinking a Miller Light. I admit, my standoffishness to it all is due to a horrific first time strip club experience, in Fort Lauderdale Florida...yeah, enough said. Since then, I swore I would never put myself through that again.
But, a few days ago I decided to check out a "club" that has been increasingly growing in popularity in my area. Now, I was told that it wasn't JUST a strip club (riiiiiiiight), but that it was different, and had more of a regular club feel. Because of this, I said, "what the hay" might as well give it a whirl and a twirl. Plus at the time, It was my best friend's last night in town, and what better way to end a crazy week than with a trip to a "sorta" strip club...right?
Well, upon walking in I was immediately greeted by a completely naked woman, literally swinging from the rafters, at the speed of an amusement park ride, positioned in a way that is still perplexing yet disturbingly impressive to me. Of course my mouth instinctively dropped...my uncomfortable meter went dangerously in the red...and if I wasn't brown skin, I'd be tomato red. This was all within 10 seconds of me walking in...I hadn't even taken off my jacket yet. I felt all the eyes in the club immediately turn to me and my best friend. I could hear people whispering, "Oh yeah, this their first time." So what was my next move? You guessed it...the bathroom, THEN the bar!
Now, I am an open germaphobe, so you can imagine my hesitation going into the bathroom. However, I was pleasantly surprised. It looked pretty clean, and I didn't feel like I needed a Hazmat suit to enter the stall. Things were looking up, until a woman, who I admit, could have passed as a man, walked in, and then two robust bouncers followed suit! Was this still the women's restroom? "Did a man come in here?!?!?" ...they yelled emphatically. While I shook my head no, the woman in the stall opened the door, and while STILL on the toilet, proclaimed she was NOT a man! Well, alrighty then. At this point, our search for the bar was looooong overdue...
As I stood there, finally, my long beach in hand, I watched as this beautiful woman moved like an acrobat out of Cirque du Soleil, rather than an extra from "Players Club"...which was what I was actually expecting. I could see why the place was getting to be so popular. Why men were standing there seemingly mesmerized, heaving money at gyrating booty's everywhere I turned. Not only were the tricks pretty impressive, but most of the women weren't bad to look at! Yes, I admit, I was pretty surprised by all of this. My expectations were low.
HOWEVER, in the moment, all I could do was here my mom in my ear saying "Why the hell are YOU here?!" All I wanted to do then was pass out church tracks, and take some type of magic cape to help usher the young ladies off stage. All my thoughts were screaming, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS GURL!" Yes, I know that sounds very dramatic, but if that reaction isn't a clear example of a person being somewhere that totally doesn't suit them, than I don't know what is.
Luckily, my friend decided to show up with VIP wrist bands, and I was able to retreat to a table filled with more drinks and my favorite: hot wings...and thus I avoided any further contact, for the most part, and was in a more comfortable environment...phew, crisis diverted!
Bottom line: Needless to say, I am once again reminded that the strip club is NOT for me...all I can say is, to each his own! ♥
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